Though my faith may waver, my God never changes

Who am I trusting right now? I say I believe God's promises but, to be honest, I'm finding it really difficult to stand on them. I feel like my solid ground is a bit shaky right now. God is faithful, though. I listened to a beautiful sermon today by Dr. Charles Stanley about God's faithfulness. We say God is faithful but what helps us to believe in that? If anyone is to be faithful he must be these five things: Omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent, truthful, never changing. Only God meets those qualifications.

If God were a changing God, we would have no leg to stand on. Everything would be uncertain. If then, God never changes, I should always be certain. All of the things that He said He would do will come to pass. He does not change His mind. Sometimes His promises are conditional and sometimes they are unconditional. He makes His promises clear and He always follows through.

I must remember who my God is. I have every reason to be certain that His way for me is good and He will give me the desires of my heart. He will provide what I ask for because I ask in His name and I have committed my way to Him. I think my commitment has not been very strong lately. I feel doubt pulling me in a different direction.

My devotion today asked how Satan had cast doubt on the things God had said concerning the forbidden tree in the garden when he tempted Eve. I answered automatically, "he put doubt in her mind about God's intentions for her and about His truthfulness." As soon as I finished writing I realized that that's exactly what is happening to me now. I am doubting God's goodness and truthfulness. A few months ago I heard God's promise to me that He would take me through this difficult time and that He had a plan for me. Up until the moment my life changed, I still felt that truth stronger than ever. Weeks later I have begun to doubt those very promises. There is a barrier between me and God that I don't want to be there.

The beautiful part is that this past year I have been so filled with the Holy Spirit. God gave me such a beautiful time of filling, in preparation for this valley that I am now going through. I know I will come out on the other side, eventually, because I have done so before. I have seen many people do it before, too. I continue to hear encouraging stories from women like me who have been through a valley like this and now they have beautiful stories to share because of it. I know that will happen for me. It certainly seems far away right now.

I am also encouraged when looking at people like Hannah in the Bible or Moses or even Paul. God uses the broken and the hurting to do His amazing work. I just pray that God uses me as a vessel for Him through this experience and/or after. I think that will be my prayer right now. I pray that my experience will be an encouragement to others.
"And all things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive.”

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God uses us ordinary people for His glory

Mark 1:9-11
John baptized Jesus himself. Can you imagine the feeling he must have had? I would have been so nervous and concerned that I wouldn't do it right. I picture myself trying to do my own job if Jesus had asked me to, if He was standing right in front of me. You think I'm a perfectionist now? That would be increased tenfold! I can just imagine Him smiling at me waiting patiently for me to complete the job. He'd probably jump in and pick up the pieces, helping me along the way. When it was complete, He'd praise my work and give me a hug. It would be enough for Him.
John was so blessed to be the ONE chosen to be there with Jesus when He declared Himself God's son. He stood right next to Him as God himself said aloud that He was glad. It's awe-inspiring to imagine. I love that He did let an average human being baptize Him. He could have had an angel come down or do it Himself! He loves using us ordinary people because He considers us righteous through His eyes. He likes involving us in every aspect of His ministry. I am so grateful that I have the one God who comes down to us and doesn't keep Himself distant. Praise Him!


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Preparing for the India

This week's read is "Holy Cow", by Sarah MacDonald, who goes on her own personal adventure to India. As she finds herself in a near fatal situation, she is presented with the realization that she doesn't really know what comes after death. Being in India provides a golden opportunity to ask big questions about the afterlife because it is home to a variety of faiths and an attitude of religious freedom that few countries have. India is home to Hindus, Buddhists, Jews, Christians, and Muslims. As she searches for an answer to her questions, she meets people from each walk of life who allow her into their inner circles.

After all of her searching, I find it very enlightening that when she is faced with another life or death situation, she is confronted with the reality that knowing one God who exists to bring control and peace is the only answer that satisfies.

As she chats on the plane with a fellow passenger "...about the wonderful nature of Buddhism, she asks me if I'll stick to his teachings. Seeing I can't be a Jew, I begin to say yes. But I stop. We are high above the Himalayas and I just heard a propeller splutter and stall... [M]y two weeks of Buddhist training practically fall into my pants. I scream. My hands are sweating, my heart is pumping and my mind is clutching at life like a randy dog to a leg. The propeller starts again but I've buried my Buddhist belief. I don't want to die. I like life. I'm completely attached to this body and this realm. I try to stop trembling and meditate. I can't... The emptiness of Buddhism sits heavy in my stomach. I actually find myself praying. For the first time in my life I want to believe there's a God who's in control. I realize I desire salvation more than the prospect of centuries of learning to control my mind."

I am both nervous and excited about my upcoming trip to India. I know that I will be faced with a variety of faith paths and a plethora of gods, each seeking to provide for my every need. The reality that I have one God who can do 1000 times more than any of theirs, even all put together, gives me this amazing sense of peace. However, I want to honor and respect those people who hold their faith as dear as I hold mine. I am eager to learn from others and an eager to see what God shows me in this new country.

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My physical body is only temporary

2 Corinthians 4:16 So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.

2 Corinthians 5:1 For we know that if the tent that is our earthly home is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens.

John MacArthur says that Paul wants his heavenly body so badly because he wants "a new body that would forever perfectly express his transformed nature." I never thought about this before. I want a body that outwardly displays who I am in Christ. This shell is broken and sluggish. I can't wait to get a new one that has not been damaged by me and living in this broken world. I want a heavenly body that looks like what God intended it to look like- exactly as He sees me everyday.

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Brand new

"Though you cannot go back and have a brand new start, you can start now and have a brand new end." John Maxwell


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Don't lose hope- We know our ending!

A few weeks ago I went through a pretty difficult week. Maybe it wasn't difficult compared to other people's lives but, for me, I felt like I've been in the thick of battle. Fatigue, loneliness, disappointment, and frustration have all been prominent features in my story this week. Through it all, though, God has been there as my best friend. When I was able to step back and observe myself dealing with this situation, as compared to similar situations in the past, God showed me how much more I relied on him this time than I have in my past.
Even amidst moments of "despair", I knew enough in my heart to pray against it and to trust that I was not without hope.

I have been memorizing scripture a lot this year and it was during this time of battle that I had to call on it. It was a blessing to have that to call on as my weapons. One day I started crying for no reason I could understand. All I knew was to speak out loud, "help me God." He told me to go outside. I did. I sat outside in the sun with the dogs I was pet sitting for and was instantly more at peace. I was reminded through the beautiful nature around me and two of God's living creatures that God still loves me.
It was amazing how quickly that feeling of despair went away and the feeling of hope came back. I know I'm growing because I am not forgetting what my God has done for me amidst dark situations.
God gave me another blessing the next day. You know how you feel when you watch a movie or read and book and you already know the ending? When you see your favorite character going through turmoil and frustration, you want to encourage them not to give up because you know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You want to shout, "Don't waste time moping, you're going to get the girl!" Or "Just hang in there a little longer. You'll survive because your rescuer is on his way!" It's the same with us as believers. We know our ending. We should be more encouraged than ever in our darkest times because, no matter what, we know exactly how it's going to end. We get to go to heaven with our Savior and be healed and cared for, freed from all distress.
Why have I never realized this? I have a new perspective. And don't want to forget it.


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Reality in history

This year at church we have been going through The Story. This week's chapter was about Jesus' resurrection. It is always an exciting part of the Bible for me to read. To Think that a man lived and died and then lived again seems unreal. Of course, many say that it is. The reality for me is, even when I have tried to pretend that God was not real or to somehow explain away some of the words in scripture, everything always ended up pointing back to him. Everything in my life is evidence of the truth that exists in the Scriptures. Jesus was and is REAL.
I love what my devotion says as it paints the picture of what it must have been like that weekend Jesus died, as the disciples learned the exciting news.

"A gentle whisper began to circulate of his triumph, yet it still seems impossible. It went against everything they knew. He had risen from the dead. His love was the glue that held the disciples together. In their wildest dreams, they could not imagine that Christ would overcome death with his love...The grave held our hearts, Our hopes, and our dreams. Love overcame death in a bloody war for our souls. His love proclaims that your soul is worth it."

I like to sometimes just sit with that reality. I like to ponder actually being there when it all went down. I cannot imagine what it would have been like. I can only imagine the energy that would've been resounding in that city and then very quickly to other towns, countries etc. I am so grateful to be alive in the day when Jesus has already come, but it would have been such an experience to be there when it all first happened. As they say, reality is stranger than fiction. I believe it.

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Cultivating Joy

Cultivating gratitude and joy means letting go of our fears and embracing gratitude. Brene Brown talks about this concept in her book "The Gifts of Imperfection". It makes so much sense to me, especially since I have noticed my lack of joy this week. Now I am understanding that being joyful is a daily practice. Our choice to be joyful is connected to our spirit of gratitude. When we wake up in the morning and are thankful for the life that we have been given we are instantly full of joy.

"The difference between happiness and joy is the difference between a human emotion that's connected to circumstances and a spiritual way of engaging with the world that's connected to practicing gratitude."

The root words for happiness and joy in Greek reflect this definition. The root word for happiness is Makarios, "which was used to describe the freedom of the rich from normal cares and worries or to describe a person who received some form of good fortune, such as money or health."

The Greek word for joy is Chairo. "Chairo was described by the ancient Greeks as the culmination of being and the good mood of the soul." It is something that is only found in God and "comes with virtue and wisdom."

I especially love this quote from author Lynne Twist, in her book "The Soul of Money": "For many of us, our first waking thought of the day is I didn't get enough sleep. The next one is I don't have enough time. Whether true or not, that thought of not enough occurs to us automatically before we even think to question or examine it. We spend most of the hours and the days of our lives curing, explaining, complaining, or worrying about what we don't have enough of".

Brown says, "We are starving from a lack of gratitude."

Brown also discusses how our fears can keep us from being joyful. Sometimes we are so afraid to feel joy because we are waiting for the last shoe to drop. Unfortunately, holding back from embracing the joy in those beautiful moments of life just robs us from experiencing life to its fullest.

Jesus did not come to give us life but to give us life abundantly! I'm going to live life the way He intended.
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Location:Russo Dr,San Jose,United States

Good news

I am reading an insightful book about how to counsel one another the way Jesus did (Instruments in the Redeemer's Hands by Paul David Tripp). As we seek to understand our own hearts and what God is doing in our lives, it is so important to understand God's timeline and his character. When we think about how many years it took for God to send Jesus, it doesn't always make sense to us, until we understand His timeline. He says that it was the perfect time. Historical events, the economy, political upheaval, etc. made everyone's hearts ready for Jesus. If he did all that for Jesus' coming, he'll do that for us in our lives, too.

"The time has come. Jesus is saying, 'This is what God has been working on. All of history has been moving toward this one moment.' God had not forgotten or lost interest in humanity. Since that horrible first fall into sin, he had been bringing the world to this day. What looked pointless and out-of-control was, in fact, the unfolding of God's wonderful story of redemption, which reached its crescendo with the coming of Christ."

"As sinners, we have a natural bent to turn away from the creator to serve the creation." We are constantly seeking to fill the void in our lives with various things and we end up spending so much of our time digging under a mound of trash and untruths in order to find a small shred of insight that we think provides the answers we have been searching for. This insight gives us hope and order but this is only temporary. It doesn't give us the long-lasting hope and change that we so desperately need. Jesus is the only one who can do that.

As believers we are called by God to help others see that truth. "We gently turn them away from the mound, and joyfully turn them to the man, Jesus Christ. This is the essence of personal ministry. "

I'm excited to learn more about how to do this so I'm sure I will keep sharing.

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Training toward the ultimate goal

When I read Joyce Meyer's "Battlefield of the Mind" last year, it not only transformed my mind, but it transformed my life as well. Embracing the reality that transformation really begins and ends with my thoughts has been so impactful for me.

I came across another author who had similar impactful advice. James Bryan Smith states in his book, "The Good and Beautiful God" that, "I have come to believe that the problem is not that we do not want to change, nor is the problem that we are not trying to change. The problem is that we are not training. We have never been taught a reliable pattern of transformation".
I believe he is right and that more people should know this. In order to become who we want to be, we must practice. Specifically we are called to transform our minds to be more like Christ.
The author reminded me of how many comparisons Paul made in the Bible between the Christian's life and the athlete's life. We must train in order to reach our goals. It takes a lot of practice in order to get better at endurance but it is well worth the effort.
I can attest to this. Although I have a long way to go in reaching my goals, I have come so far in the past year since I have started this technique. I worry less, I love more, and I Know what peace feels like.
If you haven't started transforming your mind, you can start anytime. Don't be discouraged. It takes a really long time to develop new thinking skills and just when you will feel like giving up, you'll see yourself encountering the enemy and, with God's help, you'll have a small victory. Those victories are addicting so keep plowing through until you get one. There will be lots more where that one came from!


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God's Big Heart

Have you ever had a moment where you felt like you were seeing the world the way God does, one heart at a time? I love when he gives me a small glimpse into his heart, as he did today.
I sometimes forget about just how important my role at my job is. God gives me the opportunity to interact with hundreds of patients every week. With God's grace, I maintain a compassionate and positive attitude most of the time, but there are still times when I need to be reminded of just how important that is and why. Today God gave me that reminder.
I had the opportunity to videotape one of my patients discussing her diagnosis and the impact it has wrought on her life. She shared all of the gritty details, bringing tears to my eyes. Then she got yo the part where she came to our office. I got to hear the beautiful story of how our doctors and staff impacted her life and, ultimately, gave her resources to enable her to have a more positive quality of life. Although her diagnosis is unique and she will never be fully cured, she has, with the help of God, been blessed with a much better quality of life than she thought possible three years ago. She talked about the doctors that I work for and the compassion and patience that they've had with her. It was such a blessing to hear. Then she really tugged at my heartstrings as she discussed the impact that I have personally had on her. She said that the compassion that I have for my patients and for her makes her feel loved, important, supported and like family. It is that very attitude that encourages her when she walks through our office door. That support has given her strength and encouragement to get through this rough journey.
I was truly struck by how God must view her. He must love her so much. I truly believe that God's compassionate heart is so much bigger than anything we could possibly comprehend. I am so blown away when I think of the big impact that my small act has made. It makes me realize just how big God's loving heart is.

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What is Maturity?

What is maturity? It is difficult to define but I found a really interesting book that defined it in some beautiful ways. all quotes below are from the book, "Understanding People: Deep Longings for Relationship" by Lawrence J Crabb, Jr.
The author talks about how mature people are sometimes defined by their knowledge when we should really be defining them by different standards. "But often those who have the trappings of maturity don't seem to draw us to the Lord. We may be impressed, challenged, and stimulated- but not drawn. Truly mature people are seductive: they entice us to pursue a God whom they know better than we. Maturity is less related to perfection than to a growing awareness of imperfection."

When we develop maturity we are developing serenity in an intimate confidence with God. It "slowly crowds out self-absorption, pettiness, worry, resentment, and distance and in their place fills the inner person with the strength of worthy purpose and the joy of satisfying relationship."

In order to be mature we must eliminate the feeling of self protection. Self protection is what is underlying every word we say and every action that we do. "A mature pattern of relating involves whatever actions represent the abandonment of self protection." This will look different for different people. One person may abandon self protection and come across as pushy because they say no to something. Another may come across as very gentle because they are normally defensively pushy.
Abandonment of self protection will allow us to love others more than ourselves. This will impact all of our relationships for the better. One can even motivate others to look for change within themselves. In the presence of a truly loving person, "our growth seems more appealing to us than required of us. Because the relationship is never at stake, we sense the freedom to enter fully into the enjoyment of relationship rather than to keep the relationship intact."
I can personally see this happening in each of the lives of the girls that I lead in Bible study. Watching myself grow, along side my coleader, has impacted each girl, who is watching us, in such profound ways. I am definitely more mature than I was two years ago and I give God the glory for it. I look forward to continuing this journey to maturity.


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Thinking of the future

I have been thinking a lot lately about my future. I have so many dreams that it can be overwhelming for me to decide which one to follow. What can sometimes create discouragement for me is when I don't see any indication that those dreams will come true anytime soon. It is so easy for me to only look at my current circumstances and to believe that is all I will ever have. It is so difficult to trust in God's bigger picture sometimes.

Last night I had the pleasure of reading the last chapter in Stormie Omartian's book, "The power of a praying woman." It was specifically about allowing God to lead me into the future He has in store for me. There were so many treasures of truth in this chapter.

She talked about how important prayer and trust is. Think about prayer as an investment in your future. She also encourages us to keep doing what's right and resist the temptation to quit. I personally become discouraged so easily but that is exactly what the enemy wants from me and not what God plans for me. God commands us so many times in the Bible to not fear and be courageous. Courage is the opposite of discouragement.

"Don't judge your future by what you read in the newspapers or the words someone spoke over you one time. Your future is in God's hands... The only thing that is important is what he says about it. He wants you to be concerned with him because he is your future... Don't become discouraged if things don't happen as fast as you would like them to. Our perspective is temporal. His is eternal... It's at these very times when you feel as though you're not getting anywhere or you're missing the future God has for you, that God is actually preparing you for your future. And when the time is right, he has been known to do a very quick work. While it's good to set goals, don't look so far ahead that you become overwhelmed. Look to the Lord instead."

Encouraging words indeed. It's going to take a while to make this set in but I know that if I focus my heart and mind on God every day eventually it will stick.



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God is more than an ally

I received amazing insight from Dr. Larry Crabb today. I am reading an excerpt about understanding who we are and what relationships tell us about ourselves. It really breaks down how we have come to put up so many barriers to protect ourselves and, in the process, lose sight of what God's purpose is for us in relationships. Relationships are difficult and we have to trust God through them but sometimes we are too concerned about self protection, stating, "Perhaps it's a better idea to set clear boundaries between ourselves and others and to enjoy relationships- as much as we can- from a safe distance."
The problem with self protection is that we become self-centered. "What I understand to be the biblical approach encourages us to view self-centeredness as a worse enemy than self hatred... As we live our lives we will either put ourselves first or we will live for God...Either we will devote all our energies to overcoming our difficulties so that we can enjoy life again, or we will be more concerned to trust God in the midst of our problems so that we can better reflect his glory and serve his purposes."
When we have been hurt we are more vulnerable and develop self-hatred. Once we start thinking that way, as soon as we view God primarily as an ally in the all-important battle to overcome our self-hatred, we will treat the Bible as little more than a revelation of God's determination to help us like ourselves more. Jesus' sacrifice on the cross then is valued as proof of our worth. God's love becomes the means by which we find release from shame. The Holy Spirit is reduced to a cheerleader who stirs us with excitement about our terrific potential. And the community of believers becomes, more than anything else, an opportunity for personal healing. That is the reverse of the original plan."

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Do you believe you are worthy of love?

"If we want to fully experience love and belonging we must believe that we are worthy of love and belonging... We can only love others as much as we love ourselves." Brene Brown, "The Gifts of Imperfection"


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God is my Pilot

You know how you see those bumper stickers that say, "God is my copilot?" I saw one yesterday and I started to think. You know, I don't want God to be my copilot- I want him to be my pilot. I visualize myself on the plane with him as I sort of flight attendant. I have the awesome job of letting God drive while I get to walk up and down the aisles and serve His people. My job is really important but at least I don't have to pilot the whole mission. That's God's job.


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God loved my Grandma Betty

Philippians 1:21-26 "For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain."

This verse is such a comfort now that my grandma is gone. She is really there in heaven with Jesus right now. It still doesn't seem real that she's never coming back and that she really made it to the other side. She must have had the best reunion ever with her parents, parents-in-law, and friends who had gone before. Now she has gone before us to help God prepare rooms for us when we get there and see her again.
I find comfort in knowing that she is now healthy and free to do all the things she loves, with no physical restrictions. She has all the energy she wanted to have on earth to knit, bake, sing, sew, give and love.
She was a beautiful woman in life and she has left a beautiful legacy for her family and friends. I learned so much from her and valued the moments we shared. Her zest for life and love for others kept her smiling in any situation. She was a warrior who didn't give up on anything. She had a capacity to love everyone like her own children. She considered the nurse at her doctor's office just as important as her friends in her crochet class or the teacher in her Sunday School. She would talk about her friends in a way that made it clear that she was PROUD of them. Her family never doubted the love and pride she had for them. Our individual accomplishments became new jewels in her own treasure chest.
Knowing that is what made her passing so much easier. There were no loose ends to tie, no need to say things that hadn't been said to her in life. God showed up in so many ways during our last week with her. God's miracles abounded. My uncles both made it here from out-of-state in time to see her before she could no longer communicate. Everyone was here in town when she passed. God's hand was so evident in everything. Wednesday, in particular, was a special gift to me. I woke up that morning with God's voice clearly telling me to leave work at 3 PM. It turned out to be the last day I would be able to converse with my grandma. My sister and I were able to spend a whole hour with grandma, talking, smiling, and laughing the day before she would pass away. It was a parting gift from Jesus.
The next night it looks like grandma was going to go and we were preparing ourselves for it. That afternoon we got a surprise when grandma opened her eyes. She had the chance to talk to her sons and her daughters. They talked to her and she smiled and even laughed. That was the last time she would be awake and that is the last memory I have of her. It makes so much sense that it would be of her laughing.
She never had pain – not for a moment. God loved her so much. That very night her hospice nurse sensed the end was coming and told Grandpa to just hold her hand. He did and he told her you loved her. She squeezed his hand. He told her he left her again and she was gone. My cousin, Marlie, was there in a moment to hug him as he cried. What a wonderful God we have. Who else could we lean on in a time of trouble and feel peace, comfort, love, and light? He blessed every moment we had with grandma in life and now in death as we remember her and hold on tighter to God.
As we build a new life with grandpa, we keep her in mind. It will be hard. Everything reminds me of her. What a blessing that I have so many gifts from her: the gift of character-faith, joy, love; the gift of memories- I lived with her for for almost 9 months; the gift of handmade items- scarves, afghans, a sweater, hats; the gift of items she loved and gave to me- jewelry, dishes, pillows, her sewing machine.
I will always carry her memory in my heart and know that I had a beautiful and rare relationship with my grandma- a gift many grandchildren don't receive.

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Happy New Year!

Happy new year! I am starting this new year with a fresh outlook on life. I feel that God has truly taught me the meaning of the word "redemption". 2012 was the year I was redeemed. I was a broken, useless vessel but God healed me of my brokenness so I could now be a vessel to be used for His purpose. My mission is different, my priorities are different, my perspective is eternal.
"Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is." Ephesians 5: 15-17

God has revealed to me what my life purpose is and it has shaped my daily perspective. I don't have to wander about, lost or tossed about in the waves of chaos that are easily a part of my world (in my job, my relationships, etc). When I wake up in the morning I remember that my life purpose is to give God glory and to do His will, whatever that may be for the day. Amazing how suddenly life becomes an adventure with my God when I am able to think this way.
Don't get me wrong – I have yet to perfect this. I have my bad days, too. But they don't last as long and even in the midst of them I know what God's promise is and I can rely on that to get me through.
Praise Jesus!