an ever-present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.
PSALM 46 : 1 – 3”
As I leave 2013 behind, I am a bit anxious about what 2014 holds for me. At the same time I have so much hope and excitement about turning a new leaf and going down a new avenue of life. I know that God has great things in store for me. I also know that there will still be heartbreak and pain in the next year. That's life. What I am grateful for is the amazing gift of God's peace as He walks me through it.
These past few months I have grown even closer to God than I thought possible. I am learning more and more about what it means to live by faith. I am grateful that I will always have God in my life. He is never changing, always faithful, and He loves me. He always gives me what I need from moment to moment.
In the past I was always excited to start a new year with a lot of goals. I had all of these action steps that I would accomplish. Goals like traveling to a new place or getting a new car. Those are not bad things but I had my expectations so high that when those things did not happen, the disappointment was huge. I didn't experience the full freedom that God had in store for me. This year is different. I do have goals but my goals are different. I want to continually grow in wisdom with the way I spend my money; I want to grow in my ability to live out my faith boldly; and I want to trust in God in every step of my life. The other things that I want (like moving to a new apartment or getting another raise) are just bonuses that God may or may not give me. If I don't get those things I desire, God will provide other awesome things for me. That's what's so exciting about being in God's will. I feel that my priorities are changing and I am growing even more as a woman of God.
I'm both excited and nervous about not having a plan. I am a planner by nature and I am very future oriented. It's very difficult to have to step back and let go of control. But it's also really freeing. I know there is much more contentment and peace when I do that. I still have a long way to go but I guess that is my goal for this year: To step back and let God control what actually happens in my life. Technically, I never "let" God do anything. I just need to acknowledge what he will already be doing. :)
2013 started off with my grandma going to heaven, It was a very difficult time but I learned more about God's peace in that month than I have ever known before. Throughout the year there was more pain as I witnessed a close friend's family adapt to a drastic change in husband/father/uncle. A tragic mistake in a routine surgery caused him to become a completely different person who is now bedridden and lacks full mental cognition. Watching the family go through that horrible tragedy was so difficult and painful. It completely stretched my faith and pushed it to the limits. It was definitely another lesson in not getting what we ask for all the time. My year ended with a very painful breakup from a guy who's been the love of my life for five years. If I were to look at those three things on their own it would be easy to just give up hope and to throw in the towel for 2013. That's not who I am though and that's not who God made me to be. I also see so many gifts that God gave me like beautiful moments of peace and learning more about who God is.
I have had more time to spend with my parents these last few months. I have become closer to my grandpa. My bond with my sister has become even stronger than it was before. These are gifts I would never trade. I developed new deep friendships with some beautiful women of God. I got to experience the foreign land of Morocco for a week. (My best vacation to date.) I experienced a significant promotion at work. I go to work now with eagerness every day. I am exactly where I'm meant to be and I love what I do.
I have been able to celebrate over a year of healing after mom's stroke. Seeing her weekly has allowed me to witness her gradual improvement abilities. I have been blessed to live on my own for three years now. I have been supported and lifted up by my sisters in Christ and my family.
Being single is not how I wanted to start my new year but having more time has been a gift that I've been eager to use. It's allowed me to cultivate relationships in my life that I didn't always have time for before. I know God is using this as another ministry for His work. 2014 will be a year unlike any other. I don't know what God has in store for me but I am going to try to use every day for His glory. It's the best goal there is.
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